Meanwhile, in the Rapper's Union hideout...
Meta Knight was briefing Santa, Nozomi, Soulja Boy, Barkley, Snoop Dogg, and new recruit Parappa on their upcoming mission.
A detailed map of the barracks was pinned to the corkboard in front of them.
Snoop Dogg: So... this is the place, huh?
Meta Knight: Indeed.
This is where Angry Joe conducts his operations: the barracks.
Angry Joe is the commanding officer of the Voice's military. If we destroy the barracks and take care of Angry Joe, the Voice's army will be destabilized.
That would give us an opening to break into the tower.
The barracks themselves are heavily guarded, but we'll stand the best chance if we attack the back entrance.
Chip: Hittin' it from the back, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout. Woo!
Chip made a midair spanking motion with his hands. Everyone stopped and stared at Chip.
Parappa: Hit it from the back, that's what you're talkin' 'bout!
Chip: Ay, Parappa knows what I'm tryna say.
Soulja: Parappa just repeats everything you say.
Parappa: I just repeat everything you say!
Meta Knight: May I continue explaining the plan, please?
Parappa: Let Meta Knight explain the plan, please!
Meta Knight: Thank you, Parappa.
Anyway, the back entrance is narrow, so we'll be able to use it a choke point and only have to deal with a few enemies at a time.
Once we deal with the majority of the troops, we can move into the base and clean up the rest.
Santa: There may be Christmas Spirit stored at the barracks. If you find it, destroy it- the Voice's artificial Christmas Spirit might be dangerous.
Snoop Dogg: So whatcha'll want us gangbangers to do then?
Meta Knight: Simple. We storm the backdoor, hold our position, and pick off the troops until there are only a few left. Then we march in.
Soulja: Simple? So y'all expectin' us, a buncha three-bit rappers, to hold off an entire army?
Meta Knight: It's not just you. We have Nozomi, Santa and the Smolitzer too.
Chip: Shit, a smol-ass bitch, a fat bearded nigga, and a tin can, led by a fuckin' masked blueberry.
Snoop Dogg: Aight then, Chip tha Ripper, if dat IS yo real name, please tell the rest of us who you'd rather holla at for this job.
Parappa: You gotta believe!
Chip: Alright. Whatever. I trust y'all. But if I get clapped out there, y'all payin' for the fuckin' funeral.
Meta Knight: Then it's settled.
We meet near the back entrance of the barracks in exactly four hours, hold our ground until the troops have been thinned out, move in, destroy any Christmas Spirit we come across, and eliminate Angry Joe.
Is everyone ready?
Everyone: Aye aye!
Robbie: Heehee... did you get that, Wood Man? Those SUPERHEROES will all be in one place, ready to capture!
Wood Man: lmao yeah dude. i can't wait. the look on their faces when we capture them will be nice
Robbie: Prepare the pitfalls!
Four hours later...
The Rapper's Union, Meta Knight, Santa, and Nozomi stood before the back entrance.
Meta Knight: On my lead. Ready?
The group raised their weapons. The Smolitzer was ready to roll!
Meta Knight: Three... two... one...
The group busted through the gate and aimed their weapons!
Snoop Dogg: Uh... da fuck's goin' on?
Soulja: Where the mothafuckin' party at?
The gang looked around. There was not a single person in sight.
???: I told you, the SUPERHEROES would be coming in from the back!
???: dude sorry i think i like misheard
In the middle of the barracks, two people were arguing.
It was Robbie Rotten and Wood Man!
They were standing beside a massive pit, and all the troops were inside it, caught in a net.
Robbie: Now look at what you've done!
Instead of capturing a real goody two-shoes, we caught a bunch of flippity-floppity army troops!
Wood Man: hey dude don't you think these guys would still be pretty cool to add to the collection? i mean they have, like, robots and guns.
Robbie: What?! My collection is for SUPERHEROES!
Wood Man: a gun makes anyone a hero imo
Robbie and Wood Man turned to see Nozomi and company.
Robbie: Pfft... see? THOSE are the guys we were supposed to capture! Wood Man, you incompetent metalhead!
Wood Man: hi guys. nice
Snoop Dogg: Sup wit'chall?
Robbie: I told you, the pitfall was supposed to be set at the BACK!
Wood Man: oh
Santa: Well, thank you for clearing out the base for us.
Angry Joe showed up in the middle of the barracks.
Angry Joe: You have somehow incapacitated my entire army... I worked so hard to build my way up to here!
From just seven dollars...
Wood Man: robbie let's get the hell out of here this shit could turn ugly
Wood Man conjured a hole out of nowhere and leapt in with Robbie following suit. They disappeared in a flash.
Angry Joe: FUCK! They got away... but they don't matter.
I still have a score to settle with YOU. You and your little robot.
Joe pointed squarely at Nozomi.
Angry Joe: All that matters is that I carry out what the Voice wants...
...to the BITTER END!
Joe ran towards a nearby mechanical suit...
Santa: Joe, wha-
Angry Joe: I... will do... whatever it takes... to serve the Voice!
The mechanical suit powered on and jammed rows of syringes into each of Joe's arms.
His eyes began to glow bright green, and the suit surged with energy.
Angry Joe: YAAAAARRRGGGH!
Joe let loose a huge wave of plasma! The force sent the Rapper's Union flying backwards.
Soulja: Fuck, my wrist!
Snoop was lucky enough to evade the blast.
Snoop Dogg: Barkley, you okay?
Barkley was nowhere to be seen.
Snoop Dogg: Shit.
Meta Knight: Heyayayayaya!
Meta Knight ran up and slashed at the Bowflexo-suit, but Joe evaded Galaxia with a swift backflip.
Angry Joe: Hahahaha... who's the Pissed-Off Pedro now...?!
Joe grabbed Meta Knight with the Bowflexo-suit's arms and lifted him up.
Angry Joe: Catch!
Joe wound up and pitched Meta Knight at Santa like a baseball.
Meta Knight cannonballed into Santa, face first.
Angry Joe: It's just you and me, Nozomi!
Nozomi tensed up.
Angry Joe leapt up into the air, and the Smolitzer rolled out of the way just in time as Joe punched the ground!
Angry Joe: In the name of the Voice!
With its fist still buried in the ground, the Bowflexo-suit twisted and kicked the Smolitzer!
The Smolitzer was sent crashing into a nearby wall.
Angry Joe: See? See this? This is what Christmas Spirit can do!
Nozomi tried to get up, but it was too late! Joe picked up the Smolitzer and repeatedly smashed it into the ground.
Angry Joe: I could do this FOR HOURS!
Joe pulled back his arm.
Angry Joe: And this...
...is the final nail in your coffin!
The Bowflexo-suit punched the Smolitzer with tremendous force. It was sent flying all the way across the barracks!
The Smolitzer was badly damaged, and its lights started to flicker.
The Rapper's Union was injured. Santa and Meta Knight were out of commission. Nozomi was struggling to stay conscious.
Joe slowly approached the Smolitzer...
???: Hello? Is this thing on?
A girl's voice rang throughout the city.
???: Nozomi... please don't give up!
Haruka: It's me, Haruka!
Indeed, it was Haruka Amami, and her face was being broadcast all across the city.
Haruka: Listen! I know you've been through some hard times before...
...sometimes the fans don't like you... sometimes you're down... but you've got to remember...
Nozomi turned to see the monitor of the Smolitzer. She could tell Haruka had something important to say to her.
Haruka: You've got to remember to go your way!
-SNOW MY WAY!!-
Performed by Haruka Amami
[The song plays, with clips from the Love Live! and iDOLM@STER anime performances of GO MY WAY!! and Snow halation in the background, as well as other clips from the shows that fit the mood. The song is accompanied by English subtitles that fit the syllables of the original Japanese:]
Try a non-stop route, see what that's about!
...Or maybe not, traffic's looking pretty busy;
When you're stuck like this, don't freak out
'Cause it's time to get on highways and zip by!
Full throttle's on, so let's go fly and take off!
...Or maybe not, speed limit's coming up ahead!
When you're stuck like this, don't fret too much
'Cause it's time to get on jet planes and fly high!
We can't predict the things that face us in the future,
But that's the reason why we have our dreams to believe!
There's not a map, a path plotted down we should follow;
Beyond time and beyond space it just won't stop... Why not?
My heart cries out, what do I call the pain?
Feelings abound, now I know the name: "Snow halation"
How I can't wait, how these feelings resonate,
It pains me so, how the time moves forward, never backward!
This fever over me won't be gone, won't just let me be free,
Take a leap of faith inside of me... 'cause I'm gonna start!!
[It ends with a monochrome illustration of Smol Nozomi appearing revitalised.]
Haruka: Remember, Nozomi. Never give up, and always go your way... 'cause that's what idols do!
Angry Joe: What is the meaning of this? How did that blasted Figment-
The Bowflexo-suit took a small punch to the leg.
Angry Joe: What?!
The Smolitzer struggled to its feet. It was very badly damaged, but Nozomi was not giving up!
Angry Joe: You fucking idiot. You think your wrecked piece of junk can stand up to me?
But Nozomi's eyes were glowing green. Despite its condition, the Smolitzer managed to punch Joe in the face!
Angry Joe: HRRRRRRGGGG!!! YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!
Joe and Nozomi began trading blows! Slowly but surely, the Bowflexo-suit was taking more and more damage!
Angry Joe: THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!
Joe's green glow started to fade as the wrecked Smolitzer just kept punching and punching.
Soon enough, the Bowflexo-suit was wrecked beyond repair.
Angry Joe: No... no... I remain loyal... to the Voice...
Angry Joe and the Bowflexo-suit slumped to the ground.
Angry Joe: Hahahah... hahaha... I done fucked it up...
The green glow faded from Nozomi's eyes as well, and she passed out.
The Smolitzer collapsed with her still inside it.
Snoop Dogg came out of hiding and approached Joe.
Angry Joe: Snoop... you'll save me... right?
Snoop pulled out his hun.
Snoop Dogg: Say hi to Biggie for me.
[The screen cuts to black and a gunshot is heard, suggesting that the death of Angry Joe has occurred at the hands of Snoop.]
Snoop proceeded to wake everyone else up.
Snoop Dogg: Y'all okay?
Chip: Y'know... could be better.
Soulja: My wrist is broken. Again.
Parappa: Your wrist is broken! Again!
Meta Knight: I've seen worse.
Santa: Is Nozomi alright?
They all looked at the collapsed Smolitzer. Santa picked up Nozomi.
Santa: She's still breathing...
Meta Knight: Thank the stars.
Snoop Dogg: Alright. Santa, Meta Knight, you use the truck to get Nozomi and the Smolitzer back to the Union hangar.
The rest of us will decide what to do with these mothafuckin' troops in the pit here.
Troops: You'll let us free, right?
Snoop Dogg: Not sure about that one.
Meanwhile, at the tower...
The Voice: The deed has been done.
An entire day's worth of kazoo rips.
???: Très bien!
Zese have brought a tear to my eye, like the first time I heard Céline. I sank you and your team for producing zese masterpieces.
Kazoo is such a beautiful instrument...
The Voice: Indeed.
So will you provide your service to me?
???: Oui. You have my hand in battle. I shall vanquish anyone you desire.
The Voice: Excellent.
I have an inside agent looking to take down a resistance group.
He's in the field now, but I think he could use some backup.
???: Is zat so?
The unknown figure handed the Voice a button.
???: So, zis is an on-call bouton. Press it, and I shall rendezvous to its location, ready to strike.
I suggest you give it to zis agent of yours.
But, ah, caution. After pressing it, you may want to back off before ze portal opens.
The Voice: Excuse me?
???: Ah, c'est pas rien. Here is le bouton. Once again, merci beaucoup for ze kazoo rips. I must go now.
The Voice: I look forward to seeing you fight.